Frat boy foreplay: the fart?

So, while George was busy satisfying a sophisticated yet neglected older woman last night, I was having amateur sex with a college kid who gets so excited that he blows ass out loud when he sees a naked female. I’m not kidding. The dude freakin’ ripped one right as we were about to get it on!

I don’t think that has ever happened to me before with any guy. It was impossible to ignore and I immediately burst out laughing hysterically and almost couldn’t stop; probably not the ideal way to enter into a first time sexual encounter, right? I have known George for years and we spend a lot of time together yet not once have I heard his buns even whisper, let alone do so when we’re about to have some sexy time! Anyway, I don’t know if the poor guy truly was nervous, if maybe he had a bean burrito for dinner, or what caused it, but it was forgivably hilarious and maybe even broke the ice a little, so it didn’t stop us from doing the dirty or anything… but I have to say it was an interesting experience for a few others reasons, too.

First off, this guy is literally 16 years younger than me – and he didn’t miss a single opportunity to remind me of this little fact. Granted, it was usually in a flattering way, as in “I can’t believe you are 38! You look like you’re 25, max” or the always charming, “how the heck do you have a body like that when you’re 38?!?!” I have to wonder if he was secretly scared that my young, fresh look was somehow a guise and as soon as the clothes came off he’d see droopy boobs and wrinkles that suddenly gave my ‘old’ age away. But, his reaction certainly indicated he was pleasantly surprised to find that wasn’t the case. Phew. Score one for me!

It might be relevant to point out that this dude (a 22 year old college kid should always be referred to as ‘dude’ right?) is freakishly tall. I am definitely a height snob and straight up only like guys that are 6 feet at an absolute minimum. I’m only 5’4” on a good day so I’m used to feeling short with my guys, but being next to a 6’10” giant made me feel like a shrimp! The real point is that it seemed plausible that the potential for a size issue in other areas might be likely as well, if you catch my drift. I was actually a little bit worried.

As I mentioned in my previous post before the events of last night occurred, it seemed like there were some expectations from both sides about how the sex would be: he seemed to view me as the uber-experienced cougar who’d teach him a thing or two about pleasing a woman, and I thought maybe he’d be the eager, stamina-filled youngster you see in all those movie plot lines involving pool boys. Well, I guess neither one of us could have been considered entirely wrong about that. I do think I need to teach the guy a few things and then maybe he’ll get to pool boy status.

I’m okay with taking one for the team and letting others benefit from it so I’ll expand on these takeaways in the very near future. The first and foremost lesson for any strapping young men out there looking to knock boots with their own Mrs. Robinson: try not to break wind as part of the foreplay.

More later!

Categories :Whording